Forever and A Day
by BabyJane14
Summary: The one thing that was there to push her though the major mile stones in her life were the letters.
1. Shallow Goodbye

Manda's Note: For the record, I haven't given up on my other story I just have every chapter but the next one written. (ok so I exagerate but they're at least started) This on the other hand is the start of a random idea that has haunted me for a while. I fully blame my best friendl... and for you Roo... there is a slight dose of BIKE! Promise there will be more. Now, I'm going back to watch HeMo and Harry's Duggie video because it makes me smile. so leave your thoughts on this. it's short simple sweet and to the point. I'm gonna shut up and stop rambling now. Enjoy!

By the way marshmellow - as I went to upload this... huge sneezing fit.

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My sweet little girl,

From the moment I heard your very first heartbeat Santana Maria I knew just how special you were. Just how special you would be to everyone around you. I don't want you to ever forget how much you mean to me baby. Now that you're reading this letter it must mean that I'm watching over you from my fluffy white cloud in the sky. Stiffen that lip up little girl, there's no feeling sad about that, never feel sad about it sweetheart. I'm fine up here. I can watch you all day long. I need you to do me a big favor sweetheart, every time you feel like you're going to cry or that you're upset about something straighten up that lip tighter. There's nothing worth your tears or your pain. Nothing sweetheart, you're better than all of that. You don't need to cry over any of it. Just remember who you are and show them how much better you can be. You'll understand what I'm writing when you're older beautiful, you'll know who you are and the things that you want. I can see it in your personality already. In the way that you smile and boss Noah around.

My eight year old is going to grow up to have quite the head on her shoulders. I see the other mothers at the playground watching you, they know that if they have sons the day they figure out that girls don't have cooties you'll be the one to keep them away from and all the mothers of the little girls know that once high school hits they'll be consoling them on not making Cheerios while you're taking the school by storm, just like I did with the help of Jane and Lydia. Don't ask them though, Jane will always tell you she was the one in charge. The Cheerios coach won't know what hit her the day you walk in the door Bunny. With the integrity and strength to be the entire team yourself. I'm sure that you'll have little Brittany tightly attached to your pinky. Keeping her in close range like you and Noah insist on doing already. You might drive Lydia's sweet Michael crazy if you don't let him talk to Brittany, baby, he's not going to be mean to her Santana. Noah isn't the only one you can trust you know.

As I write this right now you're dancing around in front of the television, Lion King is on and you're in my old cheerios uniform. Brittany's sound asleep on the couch, you're so good with her even now Bunny. Sharing the quilt Noah dragged through the yard early this morning with her. I still don't understand that one but when it comes to you and Noah I'm not going to ask questions already baby. You've got that little boy wrapped around your finger already. I fear for Jane the day that she needs to separate the two of you. Don't ask what that means right now Bunny. One day you'll read back on this letter and laugh at all of it.

Oh mija I wish I would be around to see you grow up. To tell you everything is going to be ok every time there's the slightest doubt in your mind. I'm so sorry I'm not going to be there for you, I will always carry that regret with me Santana. but you, my beautiful, talented, headstrong little girl are going to be everything I'm not when you're older. Everything that I never could be. Even now I see it in your little eyes. Just remember that Santana, remember how much I love you bunny, how much you've always meant to me and you forever will. I'm always with you little girl, now close your little eyes, squeeze into bed beside Noah with that transformers blanket you love so much and let Jane tuck you in. Good night my baby girl.

Love,

Mommy

Seeing the little brunette child's eyes now fully closed and peaceful for the night Jane Puckerman folded the letter into three and slipped it back into the envelope. She could see the tears stain that marked tanned cheeks and she felt her heart raise to her throat, it had been three days since they'd buried Gabrielle Lopez, mother, wife, best friend. Five days since Jane had taken responsibility of protecting the little Latina child from her abusive father the best she could. And ten years since she'd known that her best friend Gabby was doomed to the death she'd so brutally subcommand to. Quietly Jane stood up from her chair beside the bed and leaned down to kiss the foreheads of the children in front of her. Her mind taking a mental photo of her son's arm cast over the covers around the chest of his little co conspirator tightly. He'd been her rock throughout the wake and funeral. even at the age of eight Noah Puckerman had known to clutch her hand and tell her that everything was going to be alright. He'd been the one to hug her and to tell her that everything was going to be ok when the paramedics had pronounced both her mother and the three year old husky, Jake, dead on scene.

A single tear dripped from Jane Puckerman's eye as she closed the door to the transformers room behind her and headed to take care of her three month old daughter. As he'd done many times she knew that Noah would be the only one to comfort Santana if and when she woke up with the nightmares of crimson blood splattering on the hot, grey, summer sidewalk. that was just the way they worked, the way they'd always been.


	2. Loss of Innocence

Manda's Note: Thank you guys so much for your reviews! they're what keeps me writing. so pleaseee don't be afraid to leave your detailed thoughts! anyways, I personally love this letter. Everyone Enjoy! leave your thoughts!

big thank you to **Roo** because without you I wouldn't have tinkerbell or much else included in here. (=

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Hi Bunny,

_Jane must have decided your having a pretty hard day if she's given you this letter. I'm sorry I'm not there to be your shoulder to cry on baby. I wish I knew exactly why you're reading this Santana, then I'd know exactly how to fit your needs. I'm sure whatever it was you without a doubt know how much better you are than whatever happened._

_You've always been tougher than most kids Bunny. I'll always remember the Tuesday morning you were suspended from school for pulling some of the little Fabray girl's hair out because she tried to hold Noah's hand during rug time and she'd called Brittany some names at recess. most little girls would have apologized and cried. But, not you Santana Maria. You stuck your tongue out at her, looked at me with your deep brown eyes and said brightly, 'He's my Noah Mommy and no one calls my little Roo names that make her cry'. I should have lectured you that day Bunny. I never did though. the inappropriate names that little girl slurred out at Brittany were inexcusable. Brittany hears enough of them from her own parents on a daily basis. It'd taken me hours to figure out that you called her Roo because of Pooh that day. till you were watching and pointed out to Noah that, Tigger takes care of Roo… and you take care of Brittany. That was one of the reasons you pulled Quinn's hair. That and because you never let anyone else near 'your Noah' unless its Brittany or the boys. I can still remember Jane having to drop Noah off in the mornings because he refused to go to school without you. For the two days you were suspended I studied for my degree and you and Noah built forts in the living room with the transformers blanket._

_The reason I'm telling you this baby is because I want you to see how much tougher than the normal average girl you really truly are. You have enough compassion to stand up for those you love and you're not afraid of consequence. I'd rather not think of that day all of that gets you in more trouble than good. For right now I'd rather just watch you bossing around Finn and telling him you're a better friend to Noah than he is. Because as you sit by the fire in the back yard on Noah's lap that's exactly what you're telling Poor Finn Hudson. I just want you to know bunny, how amazing, courageous, and strong you really are. Whatever the reason is right now that you're reading this Santana I need you to put your head up for me ok? Stiffen that lip and tell yourself that you're a hundred times better than whatever it is that has reduced you to crying. You're ok Santana, You just have to hold onto how tough you are and how much you've already gone though. I'm sure whatever this is you'll one day look back on and it'll just make you feel that much stronger._

_I love you little girl, and I always will._

_**Mommy**_

Walking down the hall of the sterile hospital she could hear her son's voice wafting from inside of the fourteen year old girl they both thought so fondly of's room. It might have been nine in the morning, she might have been running on three hours of sleep, and maybe if she wanted to she could have found the anger to kill both of the teenagers, but, what Jane Puckerman's mind couldn't get past was just how much pain Santana Lopez had to have been in. She'd never seen the headstrong bossy as hell young teenage girl as broken down as she'd seen when she'd watched her son carrying her in at three o'clock in the morning with an anxious look in his eyes and terror in the tone of his voice. She should have known something wasn't right when Brittany had hardly been yelled at for holding hands with Mike in the front yard. Walking into the hospital room a faint smile crossed her lips. Her son in his forever role of protector, the girl he'd always taken care of snuggled into his chest even at fourteen.

"Noah Gabriel Puckerman get out of Santana's hospital bed"

She said in a dull not truly meaning it voice. Santana needed him, it was evident in the way her hand was so tightly holding onto his white cotton shirt. Her knuckles tense and almost white, her eyes tightly shut in a restless sleep. He hardly looked up at her to greet, instead Noah Puckerman folded Santa's letter from her mother in three and put it on the table top beside the bed they were laying on before once again clutching his arms tightly around her.

"She's got Chlamydia ma. That bastard got Tink sick."

Tensing at her fourteen year old son's choice of vocabulary she didn't bother to correct him. She knew it was no use. She'd heard the story, the two teens sneaking out, having a few too many drinks, Noah losing sight of Ana… she also knew that by the time he'd located her she was broken and bleeding on the bathroom floor. She could have killed them for not coming to her, killed Santana for trying to hold up her tough exterior when her innocence had just been stolen without consent. The little girl who she'd practically raised the past six years since her mother's passing was suddenly changed and she had yet to even comprehend it yet. Her son's 'Tink' due to the sass and flair she possessed with the same obnoxiousness as the fairy from Peter Pan… the fair who resided in Never Land, the fair who never had to grow up or deal with loss or hurt.

There was nothing more Jane could say or do. Instead, she just simply picked up the file at the bottom of Santana's bed, perks of working in the hospital, and sat down on the uncomfortable chair in the corner of the room. she'd sit there for as long as she needed to. she'd be there for Santana through everything and anything.


	3. Teenage Hormones

Manda's Note: I know how you should take the end of this but I know how some people will -_- don't put your mind there. that's not where it goes. With that said i have the next chapter of this about ready for you! Also! I have a couple more updates coming up along with a new one shot and my lovely Britt/Mike drabbles. but that's all beside the point. with that said please continue to review and leave your thoughts. I'm going to work now on my thank yous to you guys. and for the record if you have a suggestion or a desire to see something written, my PM is always open. I love both. remember! leave me your thoughts on this! it makes me write faster. enjoy!

Fact: worst moment of the day - being stuck listening to papa don't preach quinn style because I can't reach my ipod -_- epic fail.

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High school already baby? Goodness it seems like just yesterday you, Noah, and Michael were learning how to crawl on Nana Connie's floor. that woman has adored you from day one. wonder what she has to say now with your big news. I'm so proud of you Bunny. I'm not surprised but I am proud. I always knew you'd be the one to follow in mine, Jane, and Lydia's footsteps. I bet they've already started to drive you crazy with all of the stories. Santana Maria if they tell you anything bad you are not allowed to follow in my footsteps. Understand that? Don't even think about it. Set a good… why am I even trying? I know you Santana, and I see you right now walking over to pour a bucket of sand over Quinn Fabray's head when you were just suspended last week for pulling her hair. I'm not even going to bother to yell at you Santana. It just goes in one ear and out the other. The only one you listen to my darling daughter is yourself. I wish I had even a little bit of your self confidence.

Let's go back to talking about Cheerios sweetie. Give it time and you'll be captain and have the entire squad. You'll have all of those girls listening and hanging on your every word. I have absolutely no doubt that that's something you can handle. Even on the slow days when you're frustrated because everyone's doing something other than paying attention I know you can get them all back into listening mode. That voice of yours was meant for more than just singing and you've always had a very angry yell. You've made Britt cry on a number of occasions when you yell at Puck for whatever silly little things he does. I know that you'll wear the uniform with tact and grace and do all of Mckinley proud. Who am I kidding Santana? You're going to love thee having everyone do what you want and look up to you for it aspect better than any other. I see it in your personality already baby girl.

I just want you to take this serious. Just because I know that you can be at the top doesn't mean you don't have to work to get there. You have to put everything you possibly can into Cheerios Santana. You know you can do that. When things get tough just tell yourself you can do it. Tell yourself that you believe that you can do it. You won't regret it when you're on the top baby. showing everyone what exactly your made of and just how much tougher than your mother you are. You're everything I never was Bunny. Everything I wish I could have been. Now San… go out an celebrate. Go celebrate being a Cheerio and Noah being on the football team. because you both worked hard enough to deserve this I'm sure. I'll be up here smiling down on you always.

Love,

Mom

"What in the hell would possess you two to do something like that? Noah Gabriel I don't want to hear a single smart assed comment out of your mouth, Santana Maria wipe the smirk off of your face. Seriously you two? Your mother might have said celebrate but she sure as hell did not mean to celebrate this way. I go out for fifteen minutes to drop your sister off Noah and I come back home to find not only your football uniform tacked through the house to your god damn bedroom but Santana your brand new Cheerios uniform right along with it. I'm too young for this grey hair you two are giving me. You've been off your meds for how long Santana? Four months? Just because we got you the pill does **not** mean I wanted to walk in on something like this. You're both fifteen years old! What are you thinking?"

She could have killed him, she honestly could have slit his throat and buried his body under the tree house in Nana Connie's old backyard up the street. He'd sworn that Jane was going to be out for a while when he'd pulled her zipper down. He'd promised his mother would be gone for a few hours when he'd left the first hickey on her neck. He'd given his word that she wouldn't be home any time soon when he'd turned on the water to the shower and pinned her against the wall. sure, it wasn't the first time (and it sure as hell wouldn't be the last) but it sure as hell was the last time they'd ever be caught by his mother… at least that's what she liked to tell herself.

"Get dressed… the both of you… **NOW**"

Never had either one of them seen Jane Puckerman so in raged before. Regardless if both the fifteen year olds sitting on Puck's bed in towels seemed to have a badass image that they held up so well to the rest of the freshmen at school the two hadn't ever been in trouble at home. she'd tried to tell him to leave the fact that he'd found out she'd gone down on two of the junior football players after lunch alone, she'd tried to tell him that it wasn't any of his business when she knew what he'd done with the floozy red headed bitch of a senior in her car before third period. somehow their anger had escalated into sexual tension and before they both knew it they'd done it on both the shower and his bed. what they hadn't quite accounted for was the door to bang open.

"Don't even think about talking to me jackass"

Santana fumed out at him getting off of the bed and slipping into a pair of warn sweatpants and one of his new McKinley High tee shirts without turning to look at him. As if she needed to look at him to know exactly what his reaction was to the lack of lace. Her free hand that didn't have her phone in her pocket grabbed the letter from her mother that had been neatly folded onto his desk before their 'celebrations' had taken place.

"I'm going to Brittany's"


	4. Heartbreak

Manda's note: I don't really have a note to put here today... oddly enough. so yea, pleaseee leave me your thoughts. enjoy!

oh! I have a few more updates and maybeeee a new one shot coming out for you between today and tomorrow. need something to do at 8 o'clock tonight.

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"Tigger? Jane said to give you this when I saw you. She says she crosses her heart that it's not from him."

Her blonde best friend's head popped over the side of the yellow playground tube. She could still remember all the times she and the once pigtailed part duck child had hid out after her mother had rushed them out of the house as her father was getting home from work in a drunken rage. In the moment she'd rather of gone back to that, back to being the two seven year olds who got yelled at for jaywalking across the street without a parent. That had hurt so much less. Santana who wasn't supposed to feel any emotion for fear of breaking could feel herself losing all control and her heart breaking into a thousand pieces with every breath she took. The playground had been her only option for a hideout, a place that no one other than Brittany could find her.

"She really thinks she can solve everything with a fucking letter this time?"

She lashed out nearly ripping the letter out of Poor Brittany's hand. She wasn't thinking she was only reacting. She'd put herself on lockdown on freeze mode since the words had slipped from his lips after school. Brittany visibly jumped at her words as the innocent blonde sat out of the tunnel at Santana's head, pulling Ana's hair out from underneath her and raking her fingers through it. Something she could remember Jane doing for Santana on many of the nights that bruises were just to painful to move much.

"It's ok Tigger… it's gonna be ok"

Your heart must hurt pretty bad if you're reading this right now baby. I'm so sorry I'm not there with a bowl of chocolate ice cream and a box of tissues Bunny. I bet you really could have used me right now. If I were there we'd be settled on the couch with ice cream and tissues watching badly acted lifetime movies while you talk about what a jerk he is. Even now I can see us when your older, the only thing is… I can see Brittany with us too. She's going to be just as protective of you as you are of her Santana. I've seen that since I took you two to feed the ducks last week and you got to close and the duck tried to take a bite out of you. You might not remember now Bunny but… Brittany tried to bite the duck back. Lydia had to pick her up to stop her, her angry quack continued till you told her to go take a nap. She's a unique one that Brittany, but, I'm sure she'll teach you just as much as you'll teach her. She's got a big heart. What she doesn't quite have in the brain area she makes up in heart.

Do me a favor Santana, don't think you can't go to Jane regardless of why you're crying. She's there to take care of you since I'm not and I know for a fact that she does a very good job mending broken hearts regardless of the situation around it. Knowing Jane she'll make you those chocolate peanut bulleyes and have a few cans of pop ready before you even walk in the door. I bet by now she knows your every facial expression by now. Jane was always good at that with Lydia and I. As I'd said before sweetheart, don't let whatever happened with whoever stand in the way of you going to her for whatever you need. Even if you just need a hug, she's there for you always, just as I'm always in your heart baby.

So about this whole broken heart thing, normally I'd tell you that no guy is worth your tears. if he's able to make you cry then he's not worth it. You're tougher than that and you don't need him. But with how well I know my best friend I know that there's a reading your reading this now. I'm going to tell you right now Bunny, things that are meant to be always come back, they're never lost for good. Sure, if you take a look around you're surrounded by things that don't make very much sense but trust me, you're above all of it Santana, you're different. Just hold onto who you are and show him two can play whatever game he's playing. Don't be to harsh though Santana, you'll always be the tougher one, you've had to hold your head high through so much more than most people. Just remember who you are and know that whatever it is you're a thousand times better than.

Mom

"He got the stupid 'celibate' slut knocked up. it's never going to be ok Britt."

The moment she'd finished reading her mother's bullshit, crumpling the letter up she threw it out the window of the hard plastic tube before rolling over and crawling out of the end opposite Brittany. She couldn't look at Brittany, it would have made her crack and that wasn't something she was going to do. she wasn't going to cry over Noah Fucking Puckerman. Instead, she fixed her cheerios skirt and ran her own hands through her messy and matted hair before glancing up at Brittany for only a half second.

"Go see Mike, this is the one time I'm ever going to actually tell you to so go… go see mike"

Santana had a one track mind, sure maybe going down on Matt in Brittany's backyard had been the thing that had sent Puck straight into Quinn's bed but it still didn't give him any right to knock the slut up. The whole thought of it made her stomach flip. She needed to go do something that would get her mind of the events of the day. The last thing she really wanted to do was linger. After all, she should have been celebrating. Fabray's fall from grace gave her the keys to captain without any sort of question.

"I'll be at Matt's if anyone asks"


End file.
